.taglines

  There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD
  and  UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
                                           -- Jeremy S. Anderson
%%
  Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside
  a dog, it's too dark to read.
                                                 -- Groucho Marx
%%
  I either want less corruption, or more chance to
  participate in it.
                                           -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
  History has the relation to truth that theology has to
  religion. i.e., none to speak of.
                                                 -- Lazarus Long
%%
  To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
                                                   --Oscar Wilde
%%
  Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
                                                 -- Groucho Marx
%%
  Some men are alive simply because it is against the law
  to kill them.
                                                     --G Ed Howe
%%
  Real programmers don't comment their code. It was hard to write,
  it should be hard to understand and even harder to modify.
%%
  Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers
  write in BASIC after reaching puberty.
%%
  The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in
  the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
                           -- Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson)
%%
  I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when
  it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
                                                  -- Woody Allen
%%
  Only two things are infinite, the universe and human
  stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
                                              -- Albert Einstein
%%
  Computers are supposed to serve man, not vice versa, the
  experience of the last 40 years notwithstanding.
                                                   -- Larry Wall
%%
  The difference between sex and death is, death you can do
  alone and nobody laughs at you.
                                                  -- Woody Allen
%%
  The three principle virtues of a programmer are Laziness,
  Impatience and Hubris.
                                                   -- Larry Wall
%%
  What's the difference between a terrorist and a Team-OS/2er ?
  You can negotiate with the terrorist.
                                                 -- David Barnes
%%
  Usenet is essentially Letters to the Editor without the
  editor. Editors don't appreciate this, for some reason.
                                                   -- Larry Wall
%%
  This is an airconditioned room, do not open Windows.
                                             -- Panu, IRC #amiga
%%
  German is a great language to build high performance motor
  cycles in...
                                              -- Terry Pratchett
%%
  "You, you've got no ambition! You're content just existing!
  You need what I've got." "Herpes?"
                                   -- Ivan und Josh in Tapeheads
%%
  I must've seen it in a USENET posting; that's sort of like
  hearsay evidence from Richard Nixon...
                                               -- Blair Houghton
%%
  All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men
  are Socrates.
                                                  -- Woody Allen
%%
  We really don't have any enemies. It's just that some of our
  best friends are trying to kill us.
%%
  Everywhere I've been in Manhattan the streets are called
  "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
                                              -- Terry Pratchett
%%
  Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that
  wasn't immune to bullets
                                        -- The Brigader, Dr. Who
%%
  Who is General Failure and why's he reading my hard disk?
%%
  Are we too far gone, are we so irresponsible
  Have we lost our balls, or do we just not care
                                    -- Marillion, The Last Straw
%%
  I'm Canadian actually. It's like an American, but
  without the gun.
                                                  -- David Foley
%%
  Idle lawyers tend to become politicians, so there is a certain
  social value in keeping lawyers busy.
                               -- Galvin, Peterson, Silberschatz
%%
  I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not
  screaming in terror like his passengers.
                                       --nicked from Jim Harkins
%%
  I was a free thinker ; then I discovered you could charge
  money for it.
                                             -- Cormac McGaughey
%%
  USER, n.: The word computer professionals use when they
  mean 'idiot'.
                                                   -- Dave Barry
%%
  UNIX _IS_ user friendly. It's just selective about who its
  friends are.
%%
  I know UNIX, ADA, FORTH, APL, PASCAL, C, C++, FORTRAN, COBOL,
  SMALLTALK, LISP, PROLOG, and nineteen other high-tech words.
%%
  A university is what a college becomes when the faculty
  loses interest in students.
                                                  -- John Ciardi
%%
  Ask five economists and you'll get five different
  explanations (six if one went to Harvard).
                                             -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
  For every problem there is one solution which is
  simple, neat, and wrong.
                                                -- H. L. Mencken
%%
  Don't hit a man when he's down - kick him; it's easier.
%%
  Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain
  things which otherwise require harder thinking.
                                               -- Jerome Lettvin
%%
  Every 4 seconds a woman has a baby. Our problem is to find
  this woman and stop her.
%%
  I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared
  for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
                                            -- Winston Churchill
%%
  I bet the human brain is a kludge.
                                                -- Marvin Minsky
%%
  People using HTML in news should be happy to get away alive.
                                                -- Tony Svanstrom
%%
  There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he
  almost deserved it.
                         -- C.S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia
%%
  I can give you my word, but I know what it's worth and
  you don't.
                                                   -- Nero Wolfe
%%
  If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
                                              -- Harry S. Truman
%%
  A classic is something that everybody wants to have read
  and nobody wants to read.
                                                   -- Mark Twain
%%
  We have met the enemy, and he is us.
                                                   -- Walt Kelly
%%
  Anyone who hates dogs and kids can't be all bad.
                                                 -- W. C. Fields
%%
  Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no
  influence on society.
                                                   -- Mark Twain
%%
  Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough
  to be lazy.
                                             -- Charlie McCarthy
%%
  America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from
  barbarism to decadence without touching civilization.
                                                  -- John O'Hara
%%
  Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize
  a mistake when you make it again.
                                                  -- F. P. Jones
%%
  There cannot be a crisis next week.  My schedule is
  already full.
                                              -- Henry Kissinger
%%
  Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
                                                  -- Oscar Wilde
%%
  It is not enough to succeed.  Others must fail.
                                                   -- Gore Vidal
%%
  Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
                                            -- Wernher von Braun
%%
  I drink to make other people interesting.
                                           -- George Jean Nathan
%%
  Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that
  fellow behind the tree."
                                                 -- Russell Long
%%
  If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a
  couple of car payments.
                                                  -- Earl Wilson
%%
  If you think the United States has stood still, who built
  the largest shopping center in the world?
                                                -- Richard Nixon
%%
  I belong to no organized party.  I am a Democrat.
                                                  -- Will Rogers
%%
  I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone,
  but they've always worked for me.
                                           -- Hunter S. Thompson
%%
  A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who
  has never learned to walk.
                                        -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
%%
  Conservative: One who admires radicals centuries after
  they're dead.
                                                -- Leo C. Rosten
%%
  A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be
  done for the first time.
                                             -- Alfred E. Wiggam
%%
  I have a very firm grasp on reality; I can reach out and
  strangle it any time I want....
                                               -- Carl Greenberg
%%
  The clothes have no emperor.
                                       -- C. A. Hoare, about Ada
%%
  You may call me by my name, Wirth, or by my value, Worth.
                                               -- Nicklaus Wirth
%%
  If only God would give me some clear sign!  Like making a
  large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.
                                                  -- Woody Allen
%%
  The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner we'll
  find their money.
                                                 -- Ed Bluestone
%%
  Reading legal mush can turn your brain to guacamole!
                                      -- Amiga ROM Kernel Manual
%%
  This will be dynamically handled, possibly correctly, in 4.1.
            -- Dan Davison on streams configuration in SunOS 4.0
%%
  Oh boy, virtual memory! Now I'm gonna make myself a REALLY
  BIG ram disk!
                                  -- lennox@shire.hw.stratus.com
%%
  File names are infinite in length where infinity is set to
  255 characters.
                      -- Peter Collinson, "The Unix File System"
%%
  COBOL is not dead, it just smells that way.
                                              -- major@pta.oz.au
%%
  To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
                                                  -- Woody Allen
%%
  Unix is the answer, but only if you phrase the question
  very carefully.
                                               -- Belinda Asbell
%%
  He was determined to discover the underlying logic behind
  the universe. Which was going to be hard, because there
  wasn't one.
                                      -- Terry Pratchett, "Mort"
%%
  Only a dead fish goes with the flow.
                                                  -- Ethan Evans
%%
  Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some
  people it is a complete substitute for life.
                              -- Andrew Brown, "The Independent"
%%
  Twas a woman that drove me to drink......never had the
  decency to write and thank her.
                                                  -- W.C. Fields
%%
  Life is a tragedy to those who feel, and a comedy for
  those who think.
                                             -- Jean DeLaBruyere
%%
  Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a
  million typewriters, and Usenet is *NOTHING* like Shakespeare.
                                               -- Blair Houghton
%%
  C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot.  C++ makes it
  harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
                                            -- Bjarne Stroustrup
%%
  It's 106 ms to Chicago, we've got a full disk of GIFs, half
  a meg of hypertext, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.
  Click it.
                                    -- <bluesbros@bluesbros.com>
%%
  The power of accurate observation is commonly called
  cynicism by those who have not got it.
                                          -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
  To iterate is human, to recurse divine.
                                             -- L. Peter Deutsch
%%
  Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting.
                                         -- Winston S. Churchill
%%
  Keep it simple: as simple as possible, but no simpler.
                                                  -- A. Einstein
%%
  Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
  Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.
                      -- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
%%
  I may be an ass, but it took me a long time to become one.
       -- Alan Hopper (Greg Cruttwell) in "2 Days in the Valley"
%%
  Linux ohne Perl ist wie Arnold ohne Wumme.
                                         -- ingolfo in #LinuxGER
%%
  You should also consider that the ST comes fully equipped with
  a text adventure. It's called ST Basic.
                                                      -- Amylaar
%%
  I thought that this was just a phase, then it turned out
  to be my life.
%%
  If Bill Gates had a penny for every time Windows crashed...
  ..oh wait, he does.
%%
  WYSIWYG - What you see is what you get; but what you get is
  Schrott :-(
                                             -- Stefan Czinczoll
%%
  The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of
  them to choose from.
                                          -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
%%
  The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're
  going to be when you kill them.
                                              -- William Clayton
%%
  I know at least one big Brazlian ruin, Daniel. It's Ronaldo.
                                              -- <kivanl@orc.ru>
%%
  A scientist is a machine to convert coffee into theories.
                                        -- Joern-Dieter Beckmann
%%
  A college professor is someone smart enough to get a Ph.D.,
  but too crazy to make a living.
                                                  -- Ralph Noble
%%
  Programming is similar to sex. If you make a mistake, you
  have to support it for the rest of your life.
%%
  That's the problem with nature, something's always stinging
  you or oozing mucous all over you. Let's go and watch TV.
                                                       -- Calvin
%%
  You don't need to be faster than the bear which is chasing
  you. You merely need to be faster - or less tasty - than the
  others running with you.
                           -- from "Maintaining system security"
%%
  "SPARC" is "CRAPS" backwards.
                                                     -- Rob Pike
%%
  Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to
  use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
                                             -- Rodger Donaldson
%%
  There is no such thing as sleep deprivation, only caffeine
  deficiency.
                                                -- David Simmons
%%
  ObSig: "Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad
  idea which could only have originated in California."
                                              -- Edsger Dijkstra
%%
  Window: Something out of which you jump when the power
  fails and you lose a large program.
                                         -- Apple II Ref. Manual
%%
  Life would be much easier to understand if mother nature
  gave us the source code.
                                            -- Graeme MacWilliam
%%
  REAL fortran programmers can program fortran in any language.
                                                  -- Allen Brown
%%
  I knew three different ways of proving this result, but
  unfortunately I chose a fourth way.
                                             -- John von Neumann
%%
  Young man, in mathematics you don't understand things,
  you just get used to them.
                                             -- John von Neumann
%%
  Any sufficiently advanced cluelessness is indistinguishable
  from humour.
                        -- Francois Souchay in news.admin.policy
%%
  Did you ever wish kill files were like little electronic
  voodoo dolls, and really did what they said?
                                      -- Perry Ross in rec.scuba
%%
  A distributed system is one in which the failure of a computer
  you didn't even know existed can render your own computer
  unusable.
                                               -- Leslie Lamport
%%
  God is real -- unless declared integer.
                                             -- Christian Holtje
%%
  A computer without COBOL and FORTRAN is like a piece of
  chocolate cake without katchup or mustard.
                                        -- John Krueger in a.r.k
%%
  Anyone who knows Dan Quayle knows that, given a choice
  between golf and sex, he'll choose golf every time.
                                          -- Mrs. Marilyn Quayle
%%
  Whatever you guys want, I'm for.
                                   -- Dan Quayle to Ohio Farmers
%%
  If you lie to the compiler, it will get its revenge.
                                                -- Henry Spencer
%%
  C++ is the best example of second-system effect since OS/360.
                                                -- Henry Spencer
%%
  SVR4 resembles a high-speed collision between SVR3 and SunOS.
                                                    -- Dick Dunn
%%
  Altruism is a fine motive, but if you want results, greed
  works much better.
                                                -- Henry Spencer
%%
  Belief is no substitute for arithmetic.
                                                -- Henry Spencer
%%
  I hope to get Perl 5 out this summer, for certain values of
  summer.
                                                   -- Larry Wall
%%
  This may seem a bit weird, but that's okay, because it is
  weird.
                                    -- The Perl v5.0 manual page
%%
  A good messenger expects to get shot.
                                                   -- Larry Wall
%%
  Let's say the docs present a simplified view of reality...
                                                   -- Larry Wall
%%
  Sometimes I wish I could put an expiration date on my quotes.
                                                   -- Larry Wall
%%
  The generation of random numbers is too important to be left
  to chance.
                                             -- Tom Christiansen
%%
  Anyone attempting to generate random numbers by deterministic
  means is, of course, living in a state of sin.
                                             -- John von Neumann
%%
  Software is like sex: It's better when it's free.
                                               -- Linus Torvalds
%%
  Unix? What's that? Is that like Linux?
                                                  -- Jurgen Botz
%%
  Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to using
  Windows NT for mission-critical applications.
                                     -- what Yoda *meant* to say
%%
  Take USABLE from UNSTABLE and you get NT.
                                           -- Christopher Browne
%%
  Windows 95, the most installed system in the world,
  I know, I've done it 5 or 6 times myself.
                                   -- Ken C. <zzn8ptt@n8ptt.com>
%%
  Gone are the good old days, when we were discussing whether
  mounting a Windows NT machine was S&M or necrophilia.
                                               -- Arne J. Ludwig
%%
  MS-DOS is the worst text adventure game I have ever played:
  poor vocabulary, weak parser and a boring storyline.
                                          -- Christoph Guelicher
%%
  There is this special biologist word we use for "stable".
  It is "dead".
                                                   -- Jack Cohen
%%
  We may note that, for the purposes of these experiments, the
  symbol "=" has the meaning "may be confused with."
                                               -- Mark A. Horton
%%
  Some call me '^F[a-z\'-]+$', but I have many names".
                                                  -- Malcolm Ray
%%
  Remember - if all you have is an axe, every problem looks like
  hours of fun.
                                                      -- Frossie
%%
  I'm locked in a maze of little projects, all of which suck.
                                    -- Chris "Saundo" Saunderson
%%
  Don't ask *me* how you set the trust-level of a god.
                                             -- Par Leijonhufvud
%%
  The difference between math and physics is the difference
  between masturbation and sex.
                                                 -- Paul Tomblin
%%
  We aim to please. Ourselves, mostly, but we do aim to please.
                                               -- Anthony DeBoer
%%
  I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
                                              -- Lieven Marchand
%%
  Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft
  product.
                                              -- Ferenc Mantfeld
%%
  ALL programs are poems, it's just that not all programmers are
  poets.
                                             -- Jonathan Guthrie
%%
  Windows is the answer, but only if the question was "what is
  the intellectual equivalent of being a galley slave?"
                                                  -- Larry Smith
%%
  Give a man dynamite and soon the village will be showered with
  mud and rocks and unrecognisable bits of fish.
                                                -- Peter Gutmann
%%
  To rephrase, spam is not the answer. Spam is the question.
  Death is not the answer, but pretty close to it.
                                                        -- Vadik
%%
  While preceding your entrance with a grenade is a good tactic
  in Quake, it can lead to problems if attempted at work.
                                                   -- C. Hacking
%%
  People who love sausages, respect the law, and work with IT
  standards shouldn't watch any of them being made.
                                                -- Peter Gutmann
%%
  I'm sorry, I can't be a Jehovah's Witness, as I didn't see
  Jehovah's accident.
                                              -- Chris Suslowicz
%%
  NT is the only OS that has caused me to beat a piece of
  hardware to death with my bare hands.
                                               -- Derry Hamilton
%%
  Lusers. Can't live with 'em, can't run 'em over in the car
  park and make it look like an accident...
                                                   -- Chris King
%%
  NT is a one-legged cow, but even a one legged cow is fast when
  it's got 160+ rockets strapped to it.
                                                   -- Nick Manka
%%
  The old "give 'em a Linux box and they think they're Jean-Luc
  Picard" syndrome.
                                                 -- Pete Bentley
%%
  Life is like sendmail: you're not sure you know how to handle
  it, but you know it'll end in tears.
                                                  -- Malcolm Ray
%%
  Life is like sendmail: It's complicated and hard to
  understand, but it sure beats the alternative.
                                                 -- Paul Tomblin
%%
  I admit that X is the second worst windowing system in the
  world, but all the others I've used are tied for first.
                                                 -- Paul Tomblin
%%
  Gentlemen! You can't fight in here! This is the war room.
                                               -- Dr. Stangelove
%%
  Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Give him a
  religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
                                                -- Timothy Jones
%%
  If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing
  it badly.
                                 -- Dirk Nuyens <dirkn@sicom.nl>
%%
  To ensure peace of mind, ignore the rules and regulations.
                                                  -- George Aide
%%
  A wrong note played hesitatingly is a wrong note. A wrong note
  played with conviction is interpretation.
                  -- Douglas E. Wegscheid <wegscd@whirlpool.com>
%%
  The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of
  conversation but not the power of speech.
                                          -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
  If you let the system beat you long enough, eventually it'll
  get tired.
                              -- <nordenholz@rz.tu-clausthal.de>
%%
  If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with
  bullets.
                                                  -- David Bedno
%%
  We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
                      -- Martien Verbruggen <mgjv@comdyn.com.au>
%%
  I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore
  helmets.
                                                  -- Dave Edison
%%
  A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your
  mother.
                      -- Martien Verbruggen <mgjv@comdyn.com.au>
%%
  GPS is just another excuse for men not to ask for directions.
                  -- Richard Horwitz <rhorwitz@featurephoto.com>
%%
  Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
                                                   -- Mark Twain
%%
  Anything will burn with enough gasoline and dynamite.
                                           -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
  Opinions expressed herein must be yours, neither I nor my
  employer have any.
                                                 -- Larry Maturo
%%
  Watch out! This gun is loaded and so am I.
                                         -- Major Denis Bloodnok
%%
  In short, members of the United States Congress enjoy more job
  security than members of the Supreme Soviet.
                                              -- CNN, 7 Nov 1990
%%
  Save the Whales. Collect the entire set!
                                                    -- John Will
%%
  I have looked into the abyss, and the abyss has looked into
  me. Neither liked what we saw.
                                             -- Brother Theodore
%%
  Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called
  inbreeding, from which comes idiot children and more lawyers.
                                                   -- Cal Jewell
%%
  Attorneys are paranoid because they assume everybody else is
  dishonest too.
                                               -- Stephen Friedl
%%
  There are three types of people in the world: those who are
  good at math and those who aren't.
                                                -- Thomas Gunter
%%
  I hate people... people make me pro-nuclear.
                                                     -- M. Smith
%%
  Give a man a fish and he eats for a night.
  Give a man a gun and he will take care of himself.
                         -- <jcopelan@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu>
%%
  Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I chose to climb the
  nearest tree. And that has made all the difference.
                                              -- Norman Richards
%%
  Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it
  out, you lose interest.
                                            -- Prof. Irwin Corey
%%
  I have the heart of a little child, and the brain of a
  genius - and I keep them in a jar under my bed.
                                              -- Howard Stateman
%%
  The secret to good teaching is sincerity. As soon as you learn
  to fake that, you've got it made.
                               -- <juphoff@Mr-Hyde.aoc.nrao.edu>
%%
  Experience has shown us that men and nations will often act
  wisely once they have exhausted all available alternatives.
                                                  -- Paul Suliin
%%
  It takes a big man to cry.
  It takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.
                                                  -- Jack Handey
%%
  The pen is mightier than the sword, but only if the sword
  is very short and the pen is very sharp.
                                               -- Barny Shergold
%%
  Beer makes you smart! Well it made Bud wiser.
                                              -- <mick@ddiq.com>
%%
  I'll get a life when it is proven and substantiated to be
  better than what I am currently experiencing.
                                              -- Troy C. Belding
%%
  I've got an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.
                                               -- Roger Bicknell
%%
  If you kill one person, you are an assassin.
  If you kill a million people, you are a conquerer.
  If you kill everyone, you are a god.
                                                 -- Conrad Bland
%%
  There is no idea so sacred that it cannot be questioned,
  analyzed... and ridiculed.
                                                   -- Cal Keegan
%%
  24 hours in a day... 24 beers in a case... coincidence?
%%
  A man doesn't automatically get my respect.  He has to get
  down in the dirt and beg for it.
                                                  -- Jack Handey
%%
  Love is an equation: a me and a you derives a we.
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  Problem is just a bleak word for challenge.
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  I can't do anything about it, but I'd be happy to sympathize.
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  I'm nothing if not redundant. I also repeat myself.
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  It's not just winning. It's winning ugly that matters.
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  I don't mind losing, it's high profile losing that is not
  good.
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  It's not my style to care about others, but what's going on?
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  'Death do us part.' You parted, now what is holding up the
  death?
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  If we win we are heros, we pulled off a miracle. If we lose
  the wacko goes to jail, justice is served. It is a win/win!
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  Everyone is alone. It's just easier to take in a relationship.
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  There comes a time in everyone's life when you have to go
  forth and be vicious!
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  Verbal spankings leave me wanting for more.
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  If you don't kiss a girl on the first date, you're a
  gentleman. If you don't on the second, you're gay.
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  I plan to have character one day, great character, but if you
  want to be rich you better get the money before the scruples
  set in.
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  Never trust a second thought. Where there is two there is
  three. You will end up thinking forever.
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  Personal questions don't bother me. I just lie.
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  Selfishism. Everybody's looking to get ahead, everybody gets
  ahead. I try to set the example here.
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  That remark would hurt if I had feelings.
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  Men love any woman they wanna sleep with. It's the ticket to
  admission.
                                                 -- Richard Fish
%%
  It's not denial. I'm  just very selective of the reality I
  accept.
                                                       -- Calvin
%%
  USENET is a wonderful mechanism for making a fool of yourself
  in front of a very large audience.
                                                 -- Lars Poulsen
%%
  ...an initial underscore already  conveys strong feelings of
  magicalness to a C programmer.
                                                   -- Larry Wall
%%
  Programme sollten nicht nur aufgrund von Wahrscheinlichkeiten
  funktionieren.
                                               -- Thomas Richter
%%
  In science there is only physics; everything else is stamp
  collecting.
                                             -- Ernst Rutherford
%%
  Women are superior to men... Too bad we own everything!
                                                    -- Tim Allen
%%
  I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only
  thing is... I could be just as proud for half the money.
                                               -- Arthur Godfrey
%%
  I love living single, drinking double, and sleeping triple.
                                                -- Hunter McGirt
%%
  Internet is a good way to get into the Net.
                                                -- Bob Dole 1996
%%
  Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in
  North America
                                                   -- Dave Barry
%%
  If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
                                                    -- Art Hoppe
%%
  I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one:
  "O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it.
                                                     -- Voltaire
%%
  God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows
  through.
                                                  -- Paul Valery
%%
  Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employ a
  million.
                                                   -- Mark Twain
%%
  I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country
  what it once was... an arctic wilderness.
                                                 -- Steve Martin
%%
  I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle
  peep I am.
%%
  Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation... the other
  eight are unimportant.
                                                 -- Henry Miller
%%
  Americans never recognize an idea unless it has white wings or
  a forked tail.
                                                -- H. L. Mencken
%%
  The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write
  one story, and writes another.
                                         -- James Matthew Barrie
%%
  It is not true that life is one damn thing after another...
  It's one damn thing over and over.
                                      -- Edna St. Vincent Millay
%%
  I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
  and I hate people like that!
                                                   -- Tom Lehrer
%%
  If we judge of love by its usual effects, it resembles hatred
  more than friendship.
                                             -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
  Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion.
                                            -- Miguel de Unamuno
%%
  Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
                                                 -- Robert Firth
%%
  All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless
  lies.
                      -- The Book of Bokonon / Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
%%
  Truth is the most valuable thing we have - so let us
  economize it.
                                                   -- Mark Twain
%%
  I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it
  in the streets and frighten the horses.
                                                  -- Victor Hugo
%%
  The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes, the sooner you
  will be able to correct them.
                                                   -- Nicolaides
%%
  I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge
  to conquer Poland.
                                                  -- Woody Allen
%%
  It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about
  it.
                                        -- Gilbert K. Chesterton
%%
  Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A
  genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.
                                                 -- Joe Theisman
%%
  It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is
  whether I win or lose.
                                              -- Darren Weinberg
%%
  "That unit is a woman."
  "A mass of conflicting impulses."
           -- Spock and Nomad, "The Changeling", stardate 3541.9
%%
  The object of war is not to die for your country but to make
  the other bastard die for his.
                                                -- George Patton
%%
  Applicants must also have extensive knowledge of Unix,
  although they should have sufficiently good programming taste
  to not consider this an achievement.
                           -- Hal Abelson, MIT job advertisement
%%
  Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.
                                                  -- PJ O'Rourke
%%
  We humans do not need to leave Earth to get to a hostile,
  deadly, alien environment; we already have Miami.
                                                   -- Dave Barry
%%
  Sometimes I am so darned proud to be an American that I have
  to lean over and hold my stomach.
                                                   -- Dave Barry
%%
  I have plenty of common sense, I just choose to ignore it.
                                                       -- Calvin
%%
  Statistics show that most people are in the majority, while
  a few are in the minority.
                                              -- Nitin Borwankar
%%
  Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it
  correct, not tried it.
                                                 -- Donald Knuth
%%
  It is better to rule in hell than to serve in heaven.
                              -- Khan, "Star Trek, (Space Seed)"
%%
  I don't trust men that smile too much.
             -- Kor, the Klingon, "Star Trek, (Errand of Mercy)"
%%
  The best diplomat I know is a fully charged phaser bank.
                 -- Scotty, "Star Trek, (A Taste of Armegeddon)"
%%
  Please Mrs. Troi! ... and it's Worf not Woof.
        -- Worf, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Half a Life)"
%%
  Behind every successful man stands an amazed woman.
                                                    -- Anonymous
%%
  A society without religion is like a crazed psychopath without
  a loaded .45!
%%
  Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer
  cell.
                                                 -- Edward Abbey
%%
  Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with
  things you didn't have a good answer to.
                                                -- Douglas Adams
%%
  I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they
  make as they go flying by.
                                                -- Douglas Adams
%%
  Philosophy: unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
                                           -- Henry Brooks Adams
%%
  Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or
  she'll take it anyway.
                                                   -- Joey Adams
%%
  Religions change; beer and wine remain.
                                                 -- Harvey Allen
%%
  I took a speed reading course and read "War and Peace" in
  twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
                                                  -- Woody Allen
%%
  I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not
  wounded - dead.
                                                  -- Woody Allen
%%
  If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing.
                                                -- Kingsley Amis
%%
  It is no wonder people are so horrible when they start life
  as children.
                                                -- Kingsley Amis
%%
  Women like silent men. They think they're listening.
                                               -- Marcel Archard
%%
  He who is unable to live in society, or who has no need
  because he is sufficient for himself, must be either a beast
  or a god.
                                                    -- Aristotle
%%
  Linux is only free if your time has no value.
                                               -- Jamie Zawinsky
%%
  I'm not a sexist, but I'm pretty good.
                                                   -- Tom Arnold
%%
  If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance
  that we can solve them.
                                                 -- Isaac Asimov
%%
  An eye for an eye only leads to more blindness.
                                              -- Margaret Atwood
%%
  My good intentions are completely lethal.
                                              -- Margaret Atwood
%%
  I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the
  trouble of liking them.
                                                  -- Jane Austen
%%
  Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second
  wife to his success.
                                                   -- Jim Backus
%%
  There is no great concurrence between learning and wisdom.
                                                -- Francis Bacon
%%
  The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you
  cannot do.
                                               -- Walter Bagehot
%%
  When they discover the centre of the universe, a lot of people
  will be disappointed to discover they are not it.
                                               -- Bernard Bailey
%%
  Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
                                             -- Honore de Balzac
%%
  Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.
                                            -- Tallulah Bankhead
%%
  Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never
  used it.
%%                                                   -- Dave Barry
  These childhood memories - I have them often, but can usually
  keep them under control with the use of drugs.
                                                   -- Dave Barry
%%
  Today's scientific question is: What in the world is
  electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?
                                                   -- Dave Barry
%%
  If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise
  missile.
                                                  -- Lynda Barry
%%
  A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
                                               -- John Barrymore
%%
  Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.
                                                   -- R S Barton
%%
  If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the teacher.
                                                  -- Stacey Bass
%%
  The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is
  that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
                                                -- Brendan Behan
%%
  The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
                                              -- Robert Benchley
%%
  Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day
  by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.
                                        -- Stephen Vincent Benet
%%
  Every law is an infraction of liberty.
                                               -- Jeremy Bentham
%%
  Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a
  year ago.
                                             -- Bernard Berenson
%%
  Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its
  pupils.
                                         -- Hector Louis Berlioz
%%
  As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess
  of the demand.
                                                -- Josh Billings
%%
  The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him
  have his way.
                                                -- Josh Billings
%%
  I date this girl for two years - and then the nagging starts:
  "I wanna know your name."
                                                  -- Mike Binder
%%
  I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
  That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
                                             -- David Bissonette
%%
  We must laugh at man, to avoid crying for him.
                                           -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
  No matter where you go, there you are.
                                              -- Buckaroo Bonzai
%%
  A bird in the hand is dead.
                                                -- Rhonda Boozer
%%
  When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in
  charge, ponder.
                                                -- James H Boren
%%
  Perl - The only language that looks the same before and after
  RSA encryption.
                                                 -- Keith Bostic
%%
  Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them.
                                              -- Dion Boucicault
%%
  The next best thing to being witty one's self, is to be able
  to quote another's wit.
                                                        -- Bovee
%%
  If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a
  committee... that will do them in.
                                            -- Bradley's Bromide
%%
  Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
                                            -- Leonard Brandwein
%%
  There's no fool like an old fool - you can't beat experience.
                                                 -- Jacob Braude
%%
  The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is
  drunk and who is just stupid.
                                           -- Richard Braunstein
%%
  If life had a vomit meter, we'd be off the scale.
                                               -- Joe Bob Briggs
%%
  By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task
  completely overwhelm me.
                                           -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
  It's good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society
  will take full responsibility for me.
                                           -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
  My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.
                                           -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
  To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call
  whatever you hit the target.
                                           -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
  Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking.
                                              -- H Jackson Brown
%%
  A deadline is negative inspiration. Still, it's better than no
  inspiration at all.
                                               -- Rita Mae Brown
%%
  One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.
                                               -- Rita Mae Brown
%%
  You can't be truly rude until you understand good manners.
                                               -- Rita Mae Brown
%%
  I would like to electrocute everyone who uses the word 'fair'
  in connection with income tax policies.
                                            -- William F Buckley
%%
  If you want a place in the sun, prepare to put up with a few
  blisters.
                                            -- Abigail Von Buren
%%
  The true danger is when liberty is nibbled away, for
  expedience, and by parts.
                                                 -- Edmund Burke
%%
  If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made because
  very very few people die past the age of a hundred.
                                                 -- George Burns
%%
  Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are
  busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
                                                 -- George Burns
%%
  To treat your facts with imagination is one thing, but to
  imagine your facts is another.
                                               -- John Burroughs
%%
  Paradise is exactly like where you are right now, only much,
  much better.
                                         -- William S. Burroughs
%%
  Sometimes paranoia's just having all the facts.
                                         -- William S. Burroughs
%%
  The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man
  never worshipped anything but himself.
                                       -- Richard Francis Burton
%%
  He hasn't an enemy in the world but all his friends hate him.
                                                 -- Eddie Cantor
%%
  You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you
  can with a kind word alone.
                                                    -- Al Capone
%%
  Teach a parrot the terms "supply and demand" and you've got
  an economist.
                                               -- Thomas Carlyle
%%
  Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can
  find a rock.
                                                  -- Wynn Catlin
%%
  If this makes no sense to you, it's because you're a human,
  as opposed to a lawyer.
                                                   -- Dave Barry
%%
  ...only he is an emancipated thinker who is not afraid to
  write foolish things.
                                                -- Anton Chekhov
%%
  I still believe in liberalism today as much as I ever did,
  but, oh, there was a happy time when I believed in liberals...
                                               -- G K Chesterton
%%
  History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
                                            -- Winston Churchill
%%
  I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out
  of me.
                                            -- Winston Churchill
%%
  Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss
  of enthusiasm.
                                            -- Winston Churchill
%%
  You can always count on Americans to do the right
  thing - after they've tried everything else.
                                            -- Winston Churchill
%%
  Talent borrows, but genius steals.
                                             -- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
  The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.
                                                   -- Alan Coult
%%
  Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is
  what dies inside us while we live.
                                               -- Norman Cousins
%%
  History is a vast early warning system.
                                               -- Norman Cousins
%%
  When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become
  President; I'm beginning to believe it.
                                              -- Clarence Darrow
%%
  For the record, here in the United States, we do not have an
  official court jester. We have Congress.
                                                   -- Dave Barry
%%
  Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralysing suspicion
  that he is trying to be funny.
                                                -- Guy Davenport
%%
  The wit of a graduate student is like champagne. Canadian
  champagne.
                                             -- Robertson Davies
%%
  The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory
  future is, in fact, a return to the idealized past.
                                             -- Robertson Davies
%%